Bumps Alone II
AN ALARM CLOCK RINGS
BUMPS
"Turn it on."
SHE TURNS THE RADIO ON. SHOWMAN’S VOICE ON RADIO
Ladies and gentlemen: our Imperial Architect!
APPLAUSE
[ARCHITECT ON RADIO: SUDDENLY FLUENT
House and site, as in a vernacular building, should form an organic whole.
Just as important is the relationship of house and garden: Even the position
of a staircase window can materially affect a garden plan.
BUMPS
Or: the garden plan may materially affect the position of a staircase window….
[ARCHITECT]
Several small gardens, like rooms. Extensions.
BUMPS
….ever thought of THAT, Ned?
[ARCHITECT]
Extensions.
BUMPS
Don’t you ever wonder if we’re on the outside, looking in – or the
inside – looking out? Eh? Eh?
[ARCHITECT]
Gardens springing from the doors and windows of the house.
BUMPS
Its a chicken and egg quandary: Nature before nurture – or vice versa?
[ARCHITECT]
The final test, I feel, is that not only are the gardens dictated in this
way, but also every photograph one wants to take of them.
BUMPS
I have never, ever, been able to locate the source of the word quandary – try as I might. Enquire as I do. Invent as I will.
[ARCHITECT]
As a visitor – you have no choice in the end but to orientate yourself
according to my design. Only the visitor who comes on foot counts, by the
way.
I hate the motor car.
BUMPS
He hates the motor car. (TRYING TO LISTEN) What? What?
[ARCHITECT]
….I will not design the Roman sweep they require in front of my doors.
My houses are for people.
BUMPS TURNS THE RADIO OFF WITH A SNORT