The Prince and the Wolf
THE PRINCE (CORY) IS STUDYING. GRANDMOTHER (GARDENER) IS KNITTING IN FRILLY BONNET. SHOWMANOnce upon a time, long ago: a prince. A king’s son. No one has so many or such beautiful books as he has. He’s able to read about everything that’s taken place in the world and to see it illustrated by magnificent pictures. He knows every fact about every nation. He knows and understands all the customs of every single country in the world. He can draw and paint and spell and write poetry and calculate. He’s good at riddles. He’s not bad at telling jokes and gracious enough to laugh at those who tell them better. He can dance elegantly, converse gallantly, tell a Burgundy from a Claret and discriminate between oysters. OMNES WATCHING But SHOWMANhe doesn’t have the thing he most wants to have, and doesn’t know the thing he most needs to know to get it, and nowhere can he find the answer to his question. PRINCE TYPES ONTO INTERNET: “WHERE IS THE GARDEN OF PARADISE?” VARIOUS UNSATISFACTORY RESPONSES….. PRINCE Grandmother…. GRANDMOTHER Prince. PRINCE What do you know about Paradise? GRANDMOTHER Every flower in Paradise is the sweetest cake. You can eat knowledge. One flower has “History” written on it, and another “Geography”, and another: “Domestic Science”. Und so weiter . And the more you eat, the more you know. Education. Education. Education. PAUSE PRINCE Grandmother. GRANDMOTHER Prince. PRINCE Isn’t knowledge the reason God threw us out in the first place? GRANDMOTHER Don’t you get sly on me, young man. Laying traps. ANNOYED PAUSE AS S/HE KNITS Well: here it is: Eve ate the fruit, not the flower - and there had been a sign on the flower saying “Forbidden” but the snake removed it. Besides - PRINCE Besides? GRANDMOTHER Eve couldn’t read. She’d never eaten the flower that said “How to Read”, see. Adam had eaten that, and told her the other signs were just decoration and she wasn’t to trouble her pretty little head about such things. PRINCE So Adam knew everything and she knew nothing. GRANDMOTHER She knew her place. PRINCE Then she was hardly to blame. GRANDMOTHER Of course she was. PRINCE Nothing is ever a Lady’’s fault. GRANDMOTHER We’re talking Eden - not Ascot. PRINCE Bu… GRANDMOTHER She’d had a Very Big Verbal Warning. PRINCE If I’d been Adam, I would have kept her safe. GRANDMOTHER SNORTS And we would still be in Paradise. GRANDMOTHER Everybody? PRINCE Just her and me. We wouldn’t have had any children. GRANDMOTHER Good idea. Evil little beggars. PRINCE RISES GRANDLY AND STRAPS ON HIS SWORD Where do you think you’re going? PRINCE Into the wild forest, alone, to seek my adventure. I’m seventeen now. Time for my quest. I shall find Eden and return here with it. GRANDMOTHER (AS PRINCE LEAVES) Look out for the unicorn. Butter wouldn’t melt - but take it from me, he’s a bugger for virgins. (CALLS) Never judge by appearances. Never share your toothbrush. Keep your mobile switched on. Never talk to strangers. BEATWhich means anyone I suppose. PRINCE GOES TO LEAVE Oh. Prince. PRINCE HESITATES I’m not really your grandmother. GRANDMOTHER THROWS OFF HER DISGUISE I’m a wolf. PRINCE Fair enough. See you, then. GRANDMOTHER/WOLFMAN While you’re out, remember to collect anything exotic for the palace gardens. Cuttings and whatnot. PRINCE EXITS PAUSE.